Resolutions that overwhelm

We might, with the best intentions, subscribe to ambitious New Year - New Me plans and overload our capacity to deal. We jack up our stress hormones by working out too fast and too much with no recovery in the conviction that losing 5 pounds will make us happier. We commit to overzealous meditation practices, diets, or new pets without considering our capacity. In come the flight and freeze responses to level us out. To keep us safe. 

If just looking at this image gives you a pit in your stomach/throat, I invite you to reconsider. A couple of years ago I switched to making intentions instead. What is the difference? Half the pressure!

Intentions = Nervous System Friendly Resolutions

An intention is more of a soft direction pointing me toward my true north than a firm agreement. Intentions are about the journey, and resolutions are about the result. 

When I switched from resolutions to intentions, the shame for not following through subsided. The reframing gave me permission to stretch out achieving my goals over time and take the whole year to get to it. 

Intentions That Build Capacity

🕳️ If you haven’t listened to Luis’s short 15min podcast in my previous emails about capacity ~ the time is now! Here is Luis Mojica on capacity, desires and the concept of self sabotage from a somatic lense. (starts at 4m20s)

How can we build capacity to tackle the beast instead of fleeing it?
In my practice, the first thing we do in the re-building our ANS ability to respond appropriately to stimuli - learning or rather re-learning to follow your natural impulses: to not hold it (pee, poop, tears, laughter), and not delay or force it (eat, drink, sex). 

A couple of years ago I set these intentions (note: a not to xyz is not an intention, and intention is always a positive statement):

+ I intend to go pee, poop when the urge comes. 
+ I intend to drink when thirst first announces itself.

Seems pretty basic, right? Yet it is a simple and magic formula that will connect you to your body. Letting your mind follow your body’s urges builds trust and goodwill between them. Intuition will speak louder if it knows the mind will listen. 

A year later I added these intentions: 

+ eat only when hungry, not when the clock says it is food o’clock
(this one is harder to do since we value family dinners in our household, so I make myself a symbolic small plate and don’t “finish”)
+ take a break from work when I feel tired
(taking a break and switching to looking out the window, stretching or a cup of water instead of automatic coffee to push through made a big difference in my ability to sleep)
+ to try softer when frustrated
+ to take the easier route
(carry in one less grocery bag from the car instead of overloading my arms with as much as I can handle)

Last year I added:

+ I intend to reveal myself in my relationships instead of conceal
This looks like: telling my husband I am feeling grumpy for no apparent reason, asking for a snuggle when I need one, telling my kids I am not feeling super patient at the moment, and revealing my inner state to people I have relationships with. This is quite the opposite action of what I used to do: put on a game face and deal.