I was wading through the content of Play Therapy skills for everyday parenting in the Reconnected app, and I kept having this deja-vu. Then it dawned on me. Tina Fey! and her book Bossypants. I quickly googled “Rules of Improv” and found the Tina Fey version I remembered from the book and an Amy Poehler version. I printed out Amy’s version and placed it on our fridge as a cheat sheet to help me out when kids come around and the familiar dread of “I don’t wanna play” comes on. It works! Here is how I adapted her 9 principles.

(full disclosure, I did not take Amy’s ‘Prepare to be Unprepared’ Masterclass so I’m not sure what she means beyond the titles of the rules I found in the Varsity article, but here is what I made of her principles for our household)

1. Keep saying yes 🫡

I let my kid be the boss, and take the lead in the play. They assign the roles, come up with scenarios, and I follow along. I don’t interrupt or offer contradictory ideas.

2. Be a good listener 🪞

What this looks like for me is: reflecting back on what they want me to do in the play, commenting on how they might be feeling.
In play therapy this is an essential part of the therapeutic effects of playing together and “seeing them”: repeating back to the child what they say, do, or ask.

3. Find your team - find the game 💡

If I’m not sure or clear about what is going on in the game or what I should be saying in the game, or I ask questions: “what does the prisoner say in the game?”
This principle I must have bent away from improv. Lol, It wouldn’t make a good improv skit if I kept asking: what do I say in the game? or are we at the dentist's office? - but it makes for a much better adult-kid play session.

4. Take up space - you can’t be halfway in 🏄

If I am tired, annoyed about something or have a short-ish fuse - agreeing to play is just a bad move. Playing works so much better if I am able to be fully in character, doing what I am assigned to do with gusto.

5. Don’t worry about being cool 🧊

Ditto as for not being fully in the game, if I am tired, I do worry about being cool, I can’t pretend to be jailed, spelled into a frog, or have a pretend arm growing out my forehead. This took a couple of rounds but once I fully let go of being cool and fully got into character, the kids were delighted and there is so much more heart-to-heart connection between us.

6. Playing with status 🧑‍⚖️

I noticed that in our play my kids often like to put themselves in an authority position; tell me what to do and how to do it, put me in handcuffs, in a dentist chair, even kill me or over-delight in winning a game. According to the Reconnected play therapists, it is very healing for kids to try on the other side of a power dymanic.

What this looks like for us in real life:

Kid: “so I am mommy and you are a baby”
Me: “ok, I am a baby. Buahahahaha baby is crying”
Kid: “no baby is not crying, baby is sleeping” (find the game)
Me: “ok, sleeping like this?” (keep saying yes) [this feels weird to be put in a submissive position by my kid, but that is my issue to look at later, for now I take orders]
Kid: “yes, and she is sucking her thumb”
Me: “ok, you’d like me to suck my thumb like a baby.” (be a good listener)
Kid: “Yes.” (playing with status)
Me: [sucking thumb] (don’t worry about being cool)
Kid: “You are too big to suck your thumb. Only little babies do it.”
Me: [takes thumb out, makes sad face] (playing with status) [note to self for later to figure out a kind way to teach this]
Me: “what does baby say?” (find the game)
Kid: “baby says ok”

… and then she moved on to another game, exhausting this game scenario enough for her purposes for now.

Wanna hear more real-life mom stories from my household and others? Join MotherCircle, where we talk about what works, and what doesn’t ~ in parenting, in partnership, and on our soul level.

Or, is this not your cup of tea?

MotherCircle starts next Wednesday, May 1st and I’ll be sending out two more motherhood-teamed stories, one tomorrow and one next Tuesday.

If you’re not interested in hearing about motherhood but would like to still get articles from me about nervous system regulation and healing click on this 👇 link. Boundaries, baby!

Online MotherCircle

we start May 1st

It’s an 8-class journey through the depths of motherhood.

Real talk: bodies, cycles, birth, s*x, self-worth, motherline wounds & legacy.

Each class starts with a short somatic practice or breathwork, a theme introduction, and the bulk of the class is time for reflection and conversation in small groups. We end with a breathwork and a poem. It’s magic. I promise.

We’ll meet twice a week
✓ via Zoom May 1st - May 24th
✓ Wednesdays & Fridays
✓ @ 12pm MST (this is 11am PST, 2pm EST and 8pm in central Europe)
✓ May 1st - May 24th

Register by next Sunday, April 28th, with early bird pricing of $197.
After that, $265.

♡

FAQs:

Kids? Yes, it is ok to have kids around as long as you can listen and participate in conversations.

Discounts? Yes, early bird saves you $88. Sign up by Sunday 4/28.

Recordings? Yes and no. I’ll record the class theme and the conversation questions, but won’t be recording participants’ conversations.

Hope you come!

FROM PREVIOUS PARTICIPANTS:

What was the most valuable thing about your experience in MotherCircle?
“Time and space for my own reflection and integration of this transformation into motherhood, in a thoughtfully facilitated container. Each week felt like taking a deep, restorative rest...like a yin yoga class for the soul.”

Were there any unexpected benefits that you experienced?
“I loved the breathwork and movement exercises often at the beginning of class but sometimes at other points! That was really valuable to me integrated with the talking/verbal mode, where I often spend time.”

Other questions? Email me by replying.

Explore other articles: