What is the “work” & how to do it

Our brain has three distinct parts, each a remnant of a level of human evolution: the brainstem, the limbic system, and the neocortex. They develop sequentially from the bottom (stem - controls autonomic nervous system, ANS) to the top (neocortex, conscious thought).

Each part of the brain is responsible for different aspects of our survival. Depending on which part of the brain is in control at a certain time, it generates different strategies for survival.

1. Brainstem - develops prenatally, is functional first, and controls our ANS: breathing, heart rate, digestion, and elimination. Operates outside of conscious awareness.
   To illustrate its working picture this - I’m cooking and immersed in thought I absentmindedly touch the handle of a hot pan. I instantly pull my hand away to safety and then my brain registers it and thinks: “Ouch, well that was stupid”. At this point, I’m already recovered and the thought is simply commentary rather than an instruction to pull my hand away.

2. The second part of the brain the lymbic system, or lower brain, also found in other mammals, is functional at birth and closely linked to our ANS - the fight, flight, freeze responses. At a very basic level the lymbic brain houses our emotional responses. Emotions are messengers of our ANS, (this BLEW MY MIND) they arise from bio-chemicals called peptides, which change our internal biology (hormones) and trigger a behavioral response.

   Emotions function to move us toward rewarding stimuli (latching on for mother’s milk) or away from danger (startle reflex with loud noises). For babies the brainstem and lymbic system work together signaling their needs to caregivers. With no access to language, babies rely on the language of emotion - interest, enjoyment, pain, anger and disgust to name a few. As we continue to adulthood, emotions remain hardwired into our nervous system as a part of our survival strategy.

3. Conscious thought emerges when the third part of the brain develops, the neocortex, or higher brain, between toddlerhood to mid-twenties. Language, logic, and decision-making all come from the prefrontal cortex part of the neocortex. Based on the interpretation of bodily sensations from the brainstem and emotions from the limbic system, the prefrontal cortex weaves together a story about our experience.

Sep 2 - Emotional Regulation & the Window of Tolerance

Emotional regulation is a sweet spot where we are able to feel the emotion (lymbic brain) and think (prefrontal cortex) about what the emotion means at the same time.

We have evolved to be thinking AND feeling creatures.

Our feeling body, governed by the lower brain, communicates to us via sensations, intuition, felt sense, and emotions. The lymbic brain picks up on the ANS states of others (co-regulates) and intuits their intention, it keeps us safe.

For example: it prompts us to look over our shoulder when someone approaches. This response is automatic, much faster than conscious thought. Same as in me pulling my hand away from the hot pan handle. The emotional and instinctual response is the same automation.

You see, what we often think about as emotions is actually just the higher brain’s interpretation of the emotion. Take anger for example - for many of us we make meaning out of anger - it is often either “I’m feeling upset because I was wronged, hurt, and the other is xyz and how dare they yzx”, or it for those that have been on the receiving end or witness of rage - anger is “unsafe” so our body bypasses the emotions and goes straight into sadness.
Remember, emotions are just messengers of our ANS - so in actuality that anger you feel is an instinctual response intended to alert you that your boundary has been crossed, sensing a threat and you are automatically activated to respond to it. This is where engaging our prefrontal cortex - thinking - comes in, to examine the feeling in a curious and non-judgemental way.

The window of tolerance (a term coined by Dan Siegel) is the range of experience or space within which our thinking mind (cortex) and feeling mind (the lymbic system) are working together.

Step 3 - Expanding our Window Of Tolerance

There are different and specific practices one can do, depending on their go-to response: sympathetic or parasympathetic.

If our nervous system prefers to fight or flee, our “work” is different than for those who tend to freeze or fawn by default—more on that in the next email.

While a lot of practices that expand our window of tolerance need to involve others because relationship ruptures only heal in relationship, there are practices that we can do alone - to take care of our Nervous System in general and can aid in expanding our capacity to think and feel at the same time.

1. Practice the heart-felt somatic meditation practice I mentioned earlier - learning to observe and be with sensations and emotions, here is a link to it on Insight Timer

2. Hydrate - our nerves are encased in fascia - a membrane-like connective tissue made of elastin and collagen - it works best when lubricated. Most hydrating liquids are either filtered water with a piece of cucumber/fruit and a pinch of salt or meat stock. If you are vegan make sure collagen intake is high.

3. Gurgle with warm water and vocalize. The vagus nerve, running from your brain through the throat area, connecting down to all organs and glands, is the highway through which the brain communicates to activate hormone release. The vagus nerve is the major activator and de-activator of our rest & digest system.

   Humming, singing, chanting, and gurgling with warm water soothes and tones this cranial nerve.

   

   SINGING is a very healing activity because it tones the vagus nerve. Taking voice lessons was one of the best investments I made in myself. Hearing my voice fill a room was not only affirming for my self-esteem but communicated to my animal body that I am safe, I have the ability to fully express myself and speak up for myself. And it unearthed my long-forgotten dream of being a writer.

   
   Wanna hear a funny and embarrassing story? I assume yes! 🤦‍♀️ Early in my high school years, I wrote a collection of erotic stories that I only showed to my best friend, who cringed and told me I sounded like a whore. So, I threw the collection in the trash and abandoned my dream of writing. Oh lord, what I would give now to re-read what my 15-year old self found hot back in the day!
   Singing brought back that memory for me, and is probably to credit for my urge to express what is on my heart and writing this email to you now. Thanks, Claire!

   
   Anyhow, when you find your voice range, you likely shed shyness about singing in front of people, and gain confidence in self-expression, which signals safety to your animal body, and also massages your vagus nerve plus - all of a sudden you can sing all the songs, and you sound good! Moreover, singing puts you in a ventral vagal state - the connected non-triggered state - and spending time with another human who is stoked for you and your voice is the ultimate co-regulation. It’s a win-win-win! If you need a voice teacher, email me back and I’ll connect you with Claire. She teaches onlione and aslo has an office in LA, in Highland Park specifically.

Ok, that was long. I think I gave you enough to take in and digest for now.

Next I’ll Cover ways to get unstuck - things that can help specifically move us out of Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn.

Until then, friends!

Sending love, courage and determination,

Vanda

Resources

🐰 Shall we, Alice? 🕳️

🕳️ Book: Molecules Of Emotion: The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine by Candace Pert - pioneering research on how the chemicals inside our bodies form a dynamic information network, linking mind and body.

🕳️ New York Times on Vagus Nerve

🕳️ Here is a random article on Medium that does an excellent job explaining Vagal Tone and is short!

🕳️ For those of you who need scientific proof and evidence-based therapies here is scientific research.

🕳️ for your listening pleasure guided Somatic Awareness meditation by yours truly on InsightTimer