What feeds your soul?

I am writing to you all from one of those precious moments when the clouds have parted and the sky is clear again. We've been on a two-week rollercoaster of ear infections, with one kid battling it out and the other on the brink – sleepless nights, general misery, you name it. But today, oh, today! After a full night's sleep, a revival! Kids bouncing with pep, smiles all around, no whining – just excitement for school and a happy morning. These moments, where everything feels easy and wonderful, they're like a soothing balm for the soul. I want to fully bask in the glory, take in a deeper-than-usual breath, and feel the ease seep into my bones. Slow down and soak in the moments of ease to fuel me for tomorrow, when trouble comes again, as it always does. So if you too, mama, are in a spot where you are in the midst of sicknesses, grumps, where you haven't slept in a while I'm writing to you from the other side, where the clouds have cleared. Hang in there! There is light at the end of the tunnel.

When I’m knee-deep in my own mommy meltdown, I often remember: self-care, Vanda! That inner dialogue goes something like this:

My Inner Teenager (IT), in the midst of her own tantrum: “I’m done with this! So fed up with night wakings, endless medicine rounds, rubbing backs and feet, and all this mommy stuff. When is it my turn? Who takes care of me?”

My Inner Karen (IK) steps in (curiously enough she sounds like the Alec Baldwin character from 30rock, but a lady, in a cardigan): "Self-care, babe. You forgot to remember to do that."

IT: "Are you kidding me? When am I supposed to find time for a bubble bath or a massage in the middle of this chaos?"

IK: "If you did, you wouldn't feel so drained. Remember, put on your oxygen mask first, before helping others - you know just like they tell you on the plane.”

IT: "That's a scam. A set-up. It's like the 'breastfeed your baby but not in public – here's a broom closet' and 'hi, I'm your daycare, I'll take half your income and be closed half the year thankyouverymuch' routine."

IK: "I didn't make the rules, sweetheart."

At this point, my wise adult self (or at least, I like to think so on good days) steps in before things the catfight breaks out.

The truth is, being a mom is a whirlwind, and sometimes, self-care feels like a distant memory. It can feel like you can barely get to essentials done food, laundry, bills, PTA meetings - where could you find time for the nice to have things like self-care? Then my wise adult calls the BS - Wait a minute! Did I absorb too many major network commercials between episodes of Ally McBeal and Gilmore Girls during my teenage years? My developing impressionable teenage brain susceptible to messages about ladies’ self-care!

Putting jokes aside, I'm genuinely curious: What does self-care mean to you?

For me, self-care now includes doing the dishes after the kids are in bed. I can already feel my future self rejoicing at the sight of a sparkly clean kitchen. (If you're intrigued by the idea of "future me," I playfully explored this time-traveling concept in another post.)

I decided that doing the dishes after the kids are in bed is self care. Future me will be so grateful I did. I can already feel her shoulders melting tomorrow morning when she wakes up to a sparkly clean kitchen. (If you're intrigued by the idea of "future you," I I poked fun at this time-traveling concept in another post.)

The game-changing software upgrade is this: awareness of the needs of near future me, and discernment, with which I set the intention for a task. There is a difference between washing dishes and washing dishes as an act of self-care. Since I started slowing down and checking in before mindlessly exhausting myself with all the to-dos, I've felt more nourished. I discovered a secret magic spell!

Things that count as self-care now:

• Skipping a shower and heading straight to bed after putting the kids down.

• Delaying the laundry folding: rolling the load of darks out of the dryer and waiting to fold it until I've washed the whites in the next batch.

• Making myself lunch instead of eating the day’s breakfast leftovers.

• And sometimes, it's savoring a proper luscious latte that I get to sip undisturbed while reading a book.

Take that, inner Karen!

Interestingly, going to a yoga class at the studio has become more of a chore, and date nights with my husband feel like relationship maintenance.

How has your concept of self-care evolved since becoming a mom? Have you redefined it? What has changed for you?

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